Terms Recognized by all Professional Musicians!

BANDSTAND:  The area furthest away from an electrical outlet.
BIG BAND:  Nowadays, an aggregation consisting of two musicians.
BROADWAY PIT JOB:  A prison sentence disguised as a gig.
CABARET:  A venue where singers do songs from shows that closed out of town.
CATERER:  A man whose hatred for musicians is unrivaled.
CHANTEUSE:  A singer with an accent and no time.
CLASSICAL COMPOSER:  A man ahead of his time and behind in the rent.
CLUBDATER:  God's way of telling you that you didn't practice enough.
CLUB DATE LEADER:  Someone who changes his name from Kaminsky to Kaye.
CONTINENTAL VIOLINIST:  A guy who rushes like he's trying to catch the last
train to Budapest.
CONTRACTOR:  A man whose funeral nobody goes to.
CRUISE SHIP WORK:  A gig that gives a musician two reasons to throw up.
DJ:  The guy your son would rather have play for his Bar Mitzvah.
D-MINOR:  A rare army classification which states: in the event of war, all
musicians are to only play klezmer (Yiddish music).
DOUBLE BASS:  The instrument the folks footing the bill feel is unnecessary.
DOWNBEAT:  The magazine that would have you believe that all jazz musicians
are working.
ELECTRIC PIANO:  The instrument that enables its player to pay for the
hernia he sustained lifting it.
HOTEL PIANIST:  A guy who looks good in a tux.
JAZZ:  The only true American art form beloved by Europeans. 
JAZZ FESTIVAL:  An event attended by folks who think Coltrane is a car on
the B&O railroad.
LYRIC:  That part of a tune known only by singers and homosexuals.
MELLOPHONE:  An instrument best put to use when converted into a lamp.
METRONOME:  The archenemy of chanteuses and cantors.
MOVIE COMPOSER:  Someone who can write like anyone except himself.
NEW AGE:  A musical substitute for Valium.
NEW YEAR'S EVE:  The night of the year when contractors are forced to hire

To TOP

©2005 PSTJS | top photo by Jim Wilke | site design by Susan Pascal